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Semi-OT, from Reddit: "AITA for not wanting to..."
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Lenona
2020-09-01 03:09:01 UTC
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Strangely, while the top commentator is sympathetic, there doesn't seem to be much of a consensus.

https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ijmfwc/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_a_parent_to_two/

The OP deleted her post, so here's a description from elsewhere:

"Short version is the guy's sister and husband died in a fire, but their two kids (toddler and infant) weren't home, so they were orphaned. The OP said her and the guy's relationship had previously been understood to be childfree: they had discussed it, they were agreed. So this terrible thing happens and the boyfriend sits her down afterward and tells her-- TELLS her-- that the kids will be moving in with them on Friday. He tells her they need to figure out converting her home office, finances, etc. So she breaks up with him BECAUSE MY GOD OF COURSE SHE DID....

"The post has been taken down and locked already (because people were getting so vicious in the comments, presumably). A lot of debate back and forth, some reasoned, a lot NOT, but what got me was the number of people defending the boyfriend by saying he had no choice in the matter. A few people tried to point out that he absolutely had a choice, a number of choices in fact, some of which involved actually consulting with his partner before deciding she was going to be a mother....

"I find it so interesting that these "You have to put family first!" and "Children override everything!" types swear that they're the only ones who have the children's best interests at heart, but also think that a woman who never wanted kids should suck it up and be a mother because her man said so. Not just a horrible thing to do to her, but a truly awful thing to do to those kids.

"(I also liked one of the comments that basically asked, "If he had known she was going to leave and he'd have to raise the kids by himself, would he still have thought he had no choice but to take them?" but it got buried fast. Of course.)"

"...I bet if he knew he was signing up for single father duty, he'd have realized he suddenly had all KINDS of choices at his disposal. And none of them would have included taking the kids.

"I don't know what the reddit rules are after a post gets removed, but I'd love to see an update from the OP at some point, if she finds out how it all plays out...because once The Woman Who Was Supposed To Do All The Work For Him So He Could Be A Hero was out of the picture, I'm guessing he immediately started trying to figure out how to back out of all of it. Because, you know...choices.
(end)



Lenona.
Lenona
2020-09-01 07:17:47 UTC
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Found it. Scroll down about 3/4, to "dating for 3 years."

https://old.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/ijs9ql/no_one_who_frequents_aita_should_ever_have_a/

What some commentators can't seem to grasp is that there's a big difference between taking care of (but slowly breaking up with) an ADULT significant other for six months after, say, the s.o. gets hit by a car, and taking care of two small children in such a tragic situation only to abandon them just when they've come to think of you as a parent. How would that be better for the kids?
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